Douche-Camp: BUILD A DOUCHE

by the Asian of Change

Are you tired of being rejected by life? Are you sick of not being noticed by hot skanks at the club? Or are you simply looking for a transformation that will improve every single facet of your ordinary (aka boring) life?!

Well if so, you came to the right place brah!

being a douchebag is great!

Welcome to Douche-Camp! Here is a sneak peek on what is to come in my new "BUILD A DOUCHE" program. The program is split into 4 parts:

• Things Needed (DoucheWear)
• Getting the B
• Building the Hype
• Show ya Swagger

The program will also provide regularly updated douche stories by yours truly, The Asian of Douche.

THINGS YOU WILL NEED

Before we get started on your transformation. A typical "bro" needs to have a set of the following:

I like to call it, The "Bro-Kit"

• flat billed hat
• abrasive cologne (so it can be noticed from at least 5 yards away)
• Extra strong hair gel
• Affliction, Ed Hardy, Rhinestone shirts. All 2x smaller than usual size. (Hollister or Aeropostale will do if you are on a tight budget)
• Full body length mirror
• $1000 dollars for misc expenses (ie. fake tan, alcohol etc.)

Modifications to the bro-kit can be made. Just make sure that your money is spent wisely. For example, getting a nice tattoo sleeve of skulls is better than getting your fourth fake tan of the year. (I recommend at least 3 annually)

GETTING THE LOOK, GETTING THE B.

All seasoned douches know that simply wearing Kit gear is the equivalent of having only Vanilla ice cream. Sure, having the gear already puts you in godly status but you're gonna need to get your body in shape in order to compete with other douchers.

POP QUIZ!: What do all broski's strive for in the gym? BIG FUCKING ARMS

Whoever told you to train the entire body is either crazy or plain dumb. Everyone knows girls like big muscular arms and couldn't give a flying shit about legs or any other body part for that matter. I guess we could throw in a few chest workouts in there but it's only good if the ladies are watching. And abs? Just throw those after every curl workout. (BUILD A DOUCHE, workout program is underway and will be shared soon)

BUILDING THE 'HYPE'

Douche camp will also teach you how to “stage” or simply “build the hype”, and how to do it RIGHT! There are many times when fellow douchebags accomplish steps one and two above but fall short because of their negligence of building douchy reputation.

A sneak peek to a few steps in the right direction

• Facebook posting! Do it right. When talking to males, call ‘em your bro. They will feel comfortable and have respect for you knowing you do for them. To women? Talk them down, make them know you’re the real man. Better yet, call ‘em skanks. (hey how you doing, skank.)

Don’t call them sluts, that’s girl talk.

• Phone calls. Don’t call, text instead! To build massive hype, text when you are the gym. Make sure you text randomly as well. (ie. Pick a girl you like on your list, text: “hey what’s up skank?” you will most likely get a “NM what are you up to babe?” and build the hype with “I’m at the gym getting swole”. It sounds unecessary but you can’t help knowing the chick on the other side can’t wait to grab your big arms

Douche-camp will go more in-depth with “building the hype” later on in the program. So stay tuned for that braah.

Time to release that inner douche in ya.